Smith's Monthly #11 Read online

  If Stan thought this was worth waking up Burt and maybe even Laverne, then Patty and I really might be in over our heads. We were just lowly superheroes.

  Really dry and marked-up superheroes.

  I had just taken another drink of water and was about to suggest we get a little more dressed when Laverne and Stan appeared. Lady Luck had on a strict brown business suit with her brown hair pulled back tight in a bun. She did not look happy.

  When she saw us she raised one eyebrow, but did not smile, even though we looked really, really silly. With a wave of her hand Patty and I were both dressed, the static gone from our hair and the red marks gone from our skin.

  Patty in her normal black pants and white blouse. Laverne had put me in my normal jeans with dress shirt, black leather coat and Fedora-like black hat. That was my poker uniform.

  “Thank you,” Patty said.

  I nodded agreement. “Yes, thank you. I feel much better.”

  I could also feel the extra power that my coat and hat brought to me from the nearby casinos.

  “No idea at all what the Silicon Suckers want?” Lady Luck asked, all business.

  “Not a clue,” I said. “Has something like this ever happened before?”

  “Never,” she said. “I have only met The Great One once, a few thousand years ago. But I do know that he only concerns himself with matters of major importance.”

  “I wonder why he came to us instead of you?” Patty asked. “It makes no sense.”

  “He didn’t want to bother you,” I said to Lady Luck, knowing the answer to Patty’s question. “This is something he feels Patty and I can accomplish.”

  Both Laverne and Stan nodded.

  “That makes sense,” Laverne said. “But it gets us no closer to what he might want. And we just don’t have time to figure it out. You had better get going.”

  “We have one stop to make first,” I said.

  I turned to my direct boss. “Stan, could you get me six thermoses and two backpacks to carry them in, and meet me at The Diner?”

  Stan nodded and vanished.

  “Good luck,” Laverne said. “If you need my help in any fashion, just call out. I will be standing by.”

  “Thank you,” Patty said as Laverne vanished.

  I glanced at Patty, who looked stunning, as always, in the dark slacks and white blouse that Laverne had dressed her in. Her brown hair was combed and under control. Only the worry showing in her dark-brown eyes flawed the picture.

  “Ready for an adventure?” I asked.

  “With you, always,” she said, smiling.

  I took her hand and jumped us to The Diner, our favorite restaurant and meeting place tucked off on a side street in downtown Las Vegas. It was a place decorated in a fake 1960s look and run by Madge, a superhero in the food service part of the world. Madge seemed to always be there and she made the best milkshakes on the planet.

  Ten minutes later, Madge and Stan had us ready to go and we jumped to the outskirts of Las Vegas near a huge Las Vegas billboard.

  THREE

  THE COOL MORNING desert air hit my face and I was glad to have the leather jacket on.

  Patty had over one shoulder a backpack with three thermoses of hot chocolate, and I had the other backpack on my back with the other three.

  Hot chocolate was like an extreme drug to the Silicon Suckers. One single drop of the liquid would send a Sucker into a drug high that seemed to last for a long time.

  I had learned a long time ago to never think of going into one of the Silicon Sucker cities without a gift of a thermos of hot chocolate. And since we were going to see the Great One, it made sense to carry even more of the gift.

  We had arrived fifteen minutes ahead of our time to meet the Great One, but I had a hunch it would take us that long to get to where he was through the vastness of the underground city. The sun had already lit up the hills and desert with a golden glow and the air still had an early-morning chill to it that promised to be gone very shortly in the summer heat.

  “You ready?” I asked.

  Patty nodded, but looked very nervous. She had never been inside a Silicon Sucker “sand castle” as they liked to call their huge network of caves and tunnels in the sandstone and rock.

  While the hot chocolate was being made, Stan had briefed Patty on all the rules of the Silicon Sucker city.

  We could never touch a wall. We could never sit down unless invited. We had to always treat the Suckers with respect by bowing. We had to give our full and honest name before being allowed to enter. And so on and so on. They were a very rule-bound race.

  I had us face directly east, then, to the seemingly open-air twenty paces from the big billboard, I said, “Poker Boy and Front Desk Girl ask for entrance into the great city of the Silicon Suckers.”

  The entrance of a large tunnel shimmered into existence in front of us. It seemed to go into the side of a hill that just didn’t appear to be there. Very weird.

  I slipped off my shoes, leaving them on the desert sand. Patty did the same, and we stepped forward into the tunnel that slanted downward gently.

  About twenty paces inside we were met by a Silicon Sucker who bowed as we bowed and gave our full names.

  “Welcome to our castle once again, Poker Boy,” he said. “It is always an honor to have you as a guest.”

  He turned to Patty. “It is also an honor to have you visit our castle.”

  “The honor is all mine,” Patty said, bowing slightly.

  With all the greetings done, the Silicon Sucker turned and indicated we should follow him.

  As I had guessed, it seemed to take a long time for us to reach the major cavern and work our way down one wall on sloping ramps. For a person afraid of heights, this path on the face of the wall would be pure hell. It was a long ways down and there were no guardrails and you weren’t allowed to touch the wall on the inside.

  The cavern seemed to stretch into the distance and the walls were riddled with paths and open tunnels. They seemed to be crawling with Silicon Suckers.

  I had never seen so many out and moving at the same time before. I felt like I had been shrunk down and was walking in an anthill.

  The floor of the huge cavern had hundreds and hundreds of buildings and I knew from earlier visits that the caverns and tunnels went deep under all the buildings as well.

  Seeing so many Silicon Suckers moving at once, I suddenly wondered what all of them ate and how so many could be fed? No doubt I dare not ask such a question.

  I glanced at Patty who was following me. She seemed to be doing fine on the wall face, even in the drying air. I could feel the moisture in my lips and skin drying up and the leather jacket I wore didn’t feel so comfortable now in the growing heat. But I didn’t dare take it off, not only because it would be an insult in the city, but it gave me extra power. And there was no telling what I might need to do in this situation.

  The deeper we got into the city, the drier the air got. We could not bring any kind of water with us. Plain drinking water was forbidden in a Silicon Sucker castle.

  These places were very, very dangerous to humans. I knew of one superhero who had managed three days in a Silicon Sucker castle negotiating with them on some land swap, but she had barely made it out alive.

  We reached the cavern floor and headed toward the huge center building. There was nothing ornate about it and no windows at all. It seemed more like a giant mound of sand. But it was the largest building and it did seem to be in the center of the cavern, which I was sure had some significance.

  We were led inside and into a large, domed room with no furniture of any kind. It seemed to be the very center of the large mound of sand that was this building.

  The floor was nothing but hard sand, warm under my bare feet, and the walls were brown like everything else in these underground cities. It looked like the special rooms weren’t any more decorated than any of the other rooms in this cavern.

  The Silicon Sucker who led us into the room i
ndicated we should stand and wait and then he left.

  There was only one other door into the room, an archway on the other side. We both stood, facing that doorway, not talking.

  I could feel beads of sweat forming on my face and then drying away almost instantly.

  I always got scared inside these cities. After all, Silicon Suckers looked just like every alien I had seen in the movies. That fear was very deep in all humans, more than likely from centuries around this race.

  Honestly, at the moment I was more scared than I had ever been before.

  If Laverne had only met the Great One once in thousands of years, why were we standing here?

  And how many ways could we make a mistake and never see the light of the desert above again?

  Suddenly, in front of us, a Silicon Sucker entered the room completely alone. As with all of them, he wore nothing, but he moved slower than the rest, and as he got closer to us, I could see his bright red eyes. And his face looked longer than the rest. But otherwise, besides the red eyes, I would have never been able to tell the Great One from any other Silicon Sucker.

  Patty and I both bowed to him and he returned the bow.

  “I thank you for this audience,” he said, his voice strong and commanding.

  “It is an honor to be asked,” I said.

  Patty and I both bowed again slightly.

  “We have brought gifts, if you would allow us.”

  He held up his hand for us to not move, and we both stood still.

  “I thank you for the gifts,” the Great One said, “but I must first talk to you about why I asked you here. My people find themselves in a problem of our own making.”

  Patty and I carefully said nothing.

  “It seems that the gifts you have brought us in the past, and the regular payment for the land we have exchanged, has brought us to a crisis point.”

  He paused and then looked down as if embarrassed.

  I knew he was talking about hot chocolate. Over the last few years I had brought his people six thermoses full. And for a piece of land they were getting ten thermoses every month. I knew that hot chocolate was a very powerful drug to the Silicon Suckers, but I couldn’t imagine it becoming a crisis.

  Then it hit me. A powerful drug!

  Could he be mad at me for getting his people hooked on hot chocolate? Had I created a drug problem in his perfectly ordered world? No wonder he wanted to only “talk” with me.

  But why had he also asked Patty to come along? Was it because she was special to me and he needed to take something special of mine for what I had done to his people?

  I would not allow that.

  The Great One looked up at me, the large unblinking red eyes clear.

  “Poker Boy,” he said, “I do not think you understand the value of your gracious gifts to my people. Your precious gifts give us life and energy. It gives us an excitement that we have not felt in many, many centuries.”

  I somehow managed to keep my mouth shut and just let him continue. I needed to be ready, if this turned very ugly, to jump Patty and me out of here quickly, or call for Lady Luck to come to our rescue.

  The Great One continued.

  “Your gifts have allowed me to walk out here without being carried and to stand here as a leader once again.”

  Now I was staring at him and my eyes suddenly felt like they were as wide as his were.

  “Our problem is that our numbers are increasing with the new vitality from your gifts and land payments. And each cycle the payment for the land is not enough to supply my people.”

  Suddenly the fear I had been feeling turned to barely-controlled panic.

  He wasn’t mad at me for bringing the gifts of hot chocolate. This was much, much worse.

  He needed more of it.

  Oh, crap. I couldn’t just offer it to him as a gift. I would insult him, and more than likely we would die where we stood.

  I needed to find a way, and find it quickly, to get the Silicon Suckers more hot chocolate and let the Great One feel as if he was paying a fair price.

  I nodded and somehow, keeping my voice from cracking in the dry air, I said, “A great leader worrying about the well-being of his people. It is an honor to be in your presence.”

  I took the pack from my shoulder and took out the three thermoses, holding them in my hands and not allowing even the pack to touch the ground.

  Beside me, Patty followed my lead and did the same.

  “For the honor of meeting with the Great One,” I said, “the leader of all Silicon Suckers, we have brought this special gift. I hope it will help while we work out a more lasting solution and a fair and equitable trade.”

  “I can only thank you for your generosity,” he said.

  Without any indication of a movement from the Great One, six other Silicon Suckers came out and each took one thermos and carried them away like carrying gold from the room.

  After they had left I spoke again.

  “May I be so bold as to ask how much of the precious substance is needed to supply the great beings of the race of Silicon Suckers with their needs?”

  He stared at me for a moment and I began to wonder if I had gone too far with my question.

  Then he said, “We would need four times the amount of your generous gift every moon cycle, plus the payment for the land we are already receiving.”

  I tried to look serious. Thirty-four thermoses full of hot chocolate. “That is a large amount,” I said. “But it is possible. But I must ask for something in return.”

  “Of course,” he said.

  I had an idea on what we might trade for, but I had to be very careful in presenting it.

  “My people are also in great need in this area for…” I stopped and looked pained. “…I am sorry, I cannot use such language in front of the Great One.”

  He motioned for me to continue.

  “We are in need of plain water. We are a very different people, with different needs. We must have plain water to survive. Is there an area in your lands which is not usable to your people because of too much plain water that we might trade?”

  “Something important to my people in exchange for something important to your people,” he said.

  I only nodded. Thankfully he saw my purpose and I had not insulted him by asking for what was, in essence, poison to his people.

  “Poker Boy, there is a reason my people sing your praises.”

  “Thank you, Great One,” I said.

  A map of the area around Las Vegas appeared in the air between us. Some areas were colored in gold for Silicon Sucker lands. Black for human lands. Gray for land that neither party controlled.

  I knew the Silicon Suckers protected their own lands fiercely when needed, and no building was allowed within one hundred yards of any border to their property.

  Of course, no humans in Las Vegas government knew that. The map had been formed by treaty decades before by the Gods of Land Use and the Silicon Suckers. The gods in that area made sure nothing was allowed to be built on the Silicon Sucker lands.

  The Great One pointed to a small area colored red off to one side of the old Boulder Dam highway. It did not seem to be attached to any other area of Silicon Sucker lands.

  “We were forced to abandon a growing castle in this area due to large pools of the evil liquid under the area. I would like five times your most recent gift every moon cycle in trade for the entire area.”

  He had upped the amount expecting me to bargain. Again, I needed to not insult him by giving in too quickly.

  “Forty containers of the precious liquid every moon cycle?” I asked.

  He said simply, “Yes.”

  I pointed at the large area of red off the old highway. “My people will find much of what we need here?”

  “You will find much of the poison there,” he said.

  I didn’t want to tell him that the precious liquid he was asking for was based on the poison we called water.

  “Twenty-eight additiona
l every moon cycle,” I said. “And if we find what we must look for on the land, we will increase the amount to forty total in twelve moon cycles.”

  He nodded. “Your terms are acceptable.”

  The red coloring of the land on the map turned to blue and then the map vanished.

  “The first payment will be delivered tomorrow morning,” I said, “to the area near the entrance to this castle at sunrise, and then at sunrise every moon cycle after.”

  The Great One bowed and Patty and I bowed also.

  “This exchange has given my people a new beginning,” he said. “It will allow my people to reproduce and spread and build many large new castles. You will both always be honored guests as long as I rule.”

  With that he turned and walked away.

  For a moment I felt the elation that we had survived the meeting. Then his last words came back strong, like someone was shouting them in my head.

  Hot chocolate helped these creatures have baby Silicon Suckers?

  Wow, I had not known that. No wonder I had never seen any children. I had never thought of it before.

  What had I just done?

  Patty and I followed a guide out of the building and back up the wall toward the entrance above. All the paths and tunnels teamed with Silicon Suckers, far, far more than I had ever seen before.

  Was all this population growth from just a few thermoses per month of hot chocolate?

  Oh, man, what would forty every month do?

  What had I done?

  Was I setting up a future war between mankind and Silicon Suckers? I sure hoped not.

  Outside, after Patty kissed me for a job well done and we put on our shoes in the already hot sun, I told her my worry.

  She just laughed in that way she does that makes me relax. It’s one of her very special superpowers I’m sure.

  Then she said, “I could really use a couple glasses of water and a large breakfast.”

  “You don’t think this is serious, do you?”

  “They don’t dare expand into our areas and fight with us.”

  “And why not?” I asked as I jumped us from the hot desert to our favorite booth in the air-conditioning of The Diner. I didn’t want to call for Stan and Laverne until I understood what Patty was saying.