First Tee Panic Read online

  Don’t look at those traps unless you are using the edge of a distant one as a target. Just pick a target and ignore the rest of the fairway. Ignore the trees, ignore the deep rough and all the problems that lurk on both sides of the fairway. Just like on the driving range, you’re going to put a slow, paced swing on your ball and watch it sail toward your target just like it did on the range.

  Got that?

  Target. Critical.

  Don’t think about the problems ahead or the width of the fairway. Chances are, the landing area is much, much wider than it looks anyway. The evil golf course designers can do amazing things with perspectives and visual distractions on golf courses. Ignore them. Don’t let those pencil pushers beat you.

  Pick a target and nothing else matters.

  Now, let me end this chapter with a little story about a first tee.

  I wasn’t playing, so I was very calm and clear-headed when this all happened.

  A LITTLE SIDE STORY

  I WAS THE STARTER for all the “rabbits” on the PGA Tour in the winter of 1973 in Palm Springs, California. Back then, they didn’t have tour schools or anything else like that. You could play on a PGA Tour event by simply signing up for a Monday morning qualifier and scoring well enough to get one of the top spots that day, which allowed you to play in the tournament.

  In 1973, the Monday qualifier for the Bob Hope Desert Classic was at a club called Westward Ho Country Club. I was the assistant professional there under an old-time pro named Zell Eaton. So my job was to sit on the first tee box, check in the young professional players and when the group in front of them was clear, say, “Play away, gentlemen.”

  Now, understand, in my entire life up to that point, I had never seen such a large bunch of idiots trying to play a game that takes thinking and brains to play well. The first hole that year at Westward Ho Country Club was about 320 yards long, with the last 100 yards of the fairway in front of the green being no more than about ten paces wide between an out-of-bounds on the left and a lake on the right.

  No landing area, lots of punishment for anything but a perfect shot.

  And no reward for hitting a perfect shot, either.

  Any smart person would take one look at the maps we gave them, the yardage booklet, and simply hit a three iron back into the wide part of the fairway, where there was no lake or out of bounds, then take a wedge into the green. Safe. That kind of play made the hole an easy birdie hole.

  But safe and smart didn’t seem to be words these want-to-be touring professionals had in their vocabulary. Man after man stood up there with driver and either hit it out of bounds or into the water. At least nine out of ten of them.

  I was stunned and I learned a great lesson from that day as well. When you are standing on every tee box, pay attention to the hole in front of you for a moment. If there is a lake out there in the middle of the fairway about 200 yards, don’t hit your driver.

  Again, golf is a mental game. And sometimes that means you have to actually think and plan how to play a hole. Startling concept, I know, but something to think about.

  However, I must admit, in my later days of playing the game, I tended to forget this basic rule as well, as many of my golfing friends will tell you in stupidly funny stories.

  So, look at the hole. If the driver is still the right play, pick your target. It’s almost time.

  9

  GETTING THE TEE INTO THE GROUND

  BACK TO BREATHING.

  At this point, this is critical because, as your turn to hit comes and you have to walk forward and put your tee into the ground, you are going to have to bend over. Now breathing and bending over do not go well together. If, for some reason, you don’t believe me on this important point, try it at home, next to your bed, with a phone nearby. Hold your breath for as long as you can, then without breathing bend over facing your bed and pretend to put a tee into the carpet.

  Make sure you fall onto your bed and not the cat.

  Now, imagine falling over your ball, kicking it as you try to get your balance, and landing on the wooden tee marker. Number one, that has got to hurt. Number two, it’s just not the way to get a round started.

  So, you are fine with the breathing thing, but your hands are shaking. What I’m about to tell you next is critical.

  Put the ball on the tee in your hand.

  The ball and the tee are now one unit, not to be parted until you force the separation with a mighty swing.

  Sure, on television, you see the pros putting the tee in the ground with the ball, then picking up the ball, looking at it, then putting it down on the tee so that the logo on the ball is where they want it to be.

  You can do that for the next seventeen holes as well. But for this first hole, just leave the ball and the tee as one unit in your hand.

  Then, from about five steps away, pick a spot where you are going to put the tee and ball. There is a critical second point to this. Make sure the spot is behind and between the tee markers. Your golfing buddies and the starter tend to frown on you playing either ahead or outside the markers. And besides, it’s against the rules and can cost you strokes.

  An aside right here. If you don’t own a Rules of Golf book, go buy one and spend a few nights reading it at home. There are other books with examples, written in an interesting manner, to explain each rule, but start with the little Rules of Golf booklet and keep it in your bag.

  But at the first tee, the most important rule is to get the ball teed within an imaginary rectangle that has the leading edge between the two tee markers and extends backward two club lengths.

  Pick your teeing spot with a couple things in mind.

  Is your swing clear of any overhanging tree limbs and too-close benches? And can you stand normally if you put the ball in that one spot, without having to stand straddling one of the tee markers?

  On the first tee, it’s just safer to pick a spot right square in the middle of the markers, back about two feet. Very safe there.

  Now, with your focus on that spot in the grass, and your breathing under control, make the motion of putting the tee in the ground one movement. Don’t hesitate, don’t get down on one knee, don’t bend over like a stork wanting to put your head into the ground. Simply, at the end of a stride, bend forward and just get the teen into the ground, then stand up.

  Ninety-nine percent of the time, this will be good enough with standard tees. That one percent of the time the ball falls off, just pick up the tee and the ball again, put them together in your hand, and get them into the ground again.

  Then pretend like that never happened. No jokes, nothing. And for heaven’s sake, never say that lame sentence, “Well, that’s one.”

  It’s not, everyone knows that, so don’t say it. Just makes you look like an idiot and no one will laugh.

  So, with the ball teed up, you are focused on your target and that’s all that matters.

  Stop looking at those big fairway bunkers.

  Target. Just think target.

  You should be like the Dustan Hoffman character in the movie Little Big Man right before he fires a gun. Remember how he went “snake-eyed?” Don’t go snake-eyed, actually, because you have to still see the ball enough to hit it, but do the same kind of focus on your target as the Hoffman character does.

  Nothing else matters but the target.

  Block out all other things.

  And don’t forget to breathe.

  Going “snake-eyed” and fainting could really worry your golfing buddies. And might just get you life-flighted to the nearest hospital.

  10

  TAKING A DEEP BREATH, MAYBE TWO

  DON’T SKIP THIS SECTION just because you think I’ve already pounded the breathing thing home. This is different.

  Right now, you have your ball teed up, you’ve stepped back directly behind the ball, you have your driver in your hand, and you’re about to step to the ball and address it.

  Your golfing buddies are silent, watching.

  Th
e group on deck has arrived and are sitting in the carts, watching.

  The starter is watching.

  It’s the nightmare come to play itself out in real life.

  No, not hardly. Not with all the things that have gone right to get you to this point this morning.

  So, standing there, staring at your target and nothing else, the ball two steps in front of you, it’s time for the final few details of the preparation.

  Take two, long, very deep breaths. This will get you enough oxygen to get you through the shot without problems. But two deep breaths like that also relax muscles. It’s like a signal to your body to let the stress go.

  Just like Jack or Tiger or any of the big guns on the tours, while you are doing these breathing exercises, focus on your target. If you haven’t noticed them doing this, watch the next time they show a professional player tee off on television. They are not just staring lamely down the first fairway hoping to have their ball land out there somewhere. No, they are staring intently, snake-eyed at a single target.

  And they are taking in and letting out long, deep breaths.

  Do the same.

  This single-minded focus tends to block out all the problems that could happen as a result of a poor shot. This focus tends to bring in only the aspects of a good shot.

  And if you do this focus while taking the two deep breaths, it somehow puts that single focus down into the part of the brain that steers the golf swing. I don’t think there have really been studies on why this happens, but trust me again, it does.

  And if you don’t trust me, pay attention during the next tournament on television, especially to the big ones like the Masters or US Open that show the leaders teeing off on the first tee.

  You will see an amazing amount of deep breathing and snake-eyed focus. If the camera angle is good on Tiger on a first tee, you will see him acknowledge the applause when his name is called, then you will see in his eyes that he actually just closes out everything around him but his target. It’s an amazing skill to be able to do that. Us mortals can’t do that completely, but we must try.

  You must try.

  Focus on the target and take two deep breaths.

  This will take about three seconds. If you take any longer than that, your playing buddies might say something and break the mood.

  Besides, you don’t want to take any longer than a few seconds standing behind your ball staring forward. There’s just too much chance you might freeze up.

  So breathe twice, focus on the target, and then step toward the ball.

  11

  VISUALIZING THE PATH OF THE BALL

  YOU’RE STEPPING TOWARD the ball, the target is solid in your mind.

  Now, remember that final great shot you made on the driving range?

  Remember the feel of it?

  Remember how the ball went right toward the target?

  That’s what you need to be doing now.

  Remembering and visualizing how the ball sitting in front of you is going to go sailing toward the target.

  Take your quick practice swing, thinking about how that perfect drive on the driving range felt.

  But more importantly, that practice swing is done to make sure you have the memory of that good shot in your mind. Look up at your target as you finish the swing.

  See it?

  See the imaginary ball floating right out there, right at the target?

  Okay, okay, don’t take very long on this. Maybe a fraction of a second is all. You stand there posing with your practice swing and your golfing buddies will really, really start making jokes.

  Nasty jokes, like calling you “poser boy” after David Caruso in that television show Miami: CSI. Trust me, if you haven’t seen that show, watch it once and you will know exactly why you can only take a few moments on this.

  But it doesn’t take long to visualize a perfect golf shot, to get the memory back into your mind.

  Do it.

  Then step to the ball, look once more at your target with the memory of that perfect shot. You are there.

  You are ready to start your round.

  From bag drop through the golf shop, from driving range to the practice green, through an early morning snack to walking onto the first tee, it has all come to this moment.

  You are ready.

  For heaven’s sake, don’t whiff it.

  Just kidding.

  Take one last deep breath and then...

  12

  …JUST HIT THE STUPID THING

  A COUPLE OF QUICK THINGS for you to do correctly in this fraction of a second you are swinging. And it is amazing how many thoughts can go through a golfer’s mind during a swing. Sometimes it feels I could write entire novels in a back-swing.

  But one final thought is important, besides visualizing the path of the ball toward your well-focused target.

  Keep your attention on the ball.

  Actually, keep your direct gaze on a dimple on the back of the ball, and if your eyesight isn’t good enough to see a dimple from a standing position, what are you doing on a golf course anyway?

  Keep your gaze on that spot until the ball vanishes from your sight and there is nothing but grass. Not one moment earlier.

  It will take a fraction of a second after impact for your brain to make note that the ball has vanished, and this will be enough time to allow you to keep your head steady enough to make a good swing.

  Why this advice now? Simple. You have intense focus on the target, intense visualization of the path of the ball, intense memory of the good shot on the driving range. Right? All that will make your brain excited to see the outcome of this shot. And thus, you might look up before the swing is finished.

  Looking up has the effect of pulling up your shoulders with your head and chin. And when you pull up your shoulders in the middle of your swing, only three ugly things can happen.

  One, you manage to make contact and get the ball into the air, but it goes way to the right, way fast.

  Second, you make contact with the top of the ball and it does the bounce-bounce thing off the front of the tee box, through the woman’s tees, and often doesn’t even make it to the mowed part of the fairway.

  Or third, you pull your head and shoulders up enough to miss the ball completely.

  Whiff.

  Nightmare of sweating sheets and laughter from friends.

  So, keep your gaze focused intently on the dimple on the back of the ball and then don’t look to see where the shot went until the ball has vanished.

  Congratulations, you now have made it off the first tee. Go have fun, enjoy the day, beat your friends out of dinner and drinks, and mount the score card on a plaque when you get home.

  Then, practice your putting. Your score could have been ten shots lower if you had just made a few more putts.

  TRUE STORIES FROM THE FRONT LINES

  HOW I DIDN’T PLAY WITH BOB HOPE

  (AND LIVED TO TELL ABOUT IT)

  March, 1973. Palm Springs, California.

  I WAS A YOUNG GOLF PROFESSIONAL, just fresh into the big world of golf. I had gotten very, very lucky and had been hired the previous fall as the assistant professional by one of the greats of the game of golf, a top player back in the thirties and early forties named Zell Eaton. In his back office, Zell had framed wonderful newspaper articles about how he won this or that tournament, or how he beat Ben Hogan two up, or how he took Byron Nelson to the last hole before winning in a playoff. I used to love standing in front of that wall of framed awards and articles and just read.

  Why such a great of the game picked me, a kid from Idaho, to be his assistant, I’ll never know. I was cocky, untrained, and not that good of player compared to what I ended up being a few years later. I thought I was good at the time.

  Oh, boy, did I have a lot to learn.

  For some reason, Zell decided he was going to teach me. And his lessons didn’t just include him sitting patiently in a folding lawn chair on the driving range while I hit thousands of golf b
alls a day, many of them by the lights of my car after we had closed up the golf shop. He did that, often. But in fact, many of his lessons concerned making sure I knew just how good I was, and how much better others around me were. Those lessons were humbling, to say the least, but they did as Zell figured they would. They made me practice harder and harder. And thus get better and better.

  And the harder I practiced, the more I showed the drive to learn, the more he wanted to help me.

  One big lesson concerned the fear that this book is talking about. By the spring of 1973, Zell had no doubt that I wanted to be good, that I wanted to learn how to play, but he also had no doubt I had no idea what it was really like to stand on a first tee of a major tournament. Now, understand, I had won my share of amateur tournaments up to this point. He figured, rightfully, that they didn’t count.

  By that March, I had yet to play as a professional, and Zell figured it would be good for me to start slow. Sort of, anyway. He wanted me to work up to some of the tournaments I planned to play that summer up north.

  So start small it would be. No real money on the line. Just a charity fund-raiser for the Heart Fund. The idea the charity had was that one local golf professional and one local celebrity would team with two rich players who had paid a lot of money to the charity to play a round of golf.

  So, as our course representative, he sent me. When he told me, I felt bad for the poor rich people who would be stuck playing with a lowly assistant from Westward Ho Country Club. Zell, in his way, just smiled and said, “Don’t worry. They’ll get their money’s worth.”

  Somehow, he had arranged for me to play with Bob Hope.

  In my very first professional golf tournament.